Sunday, April 26, 2009

Out Spotlight LXXII

Today's Out Spotlight is Lou Tharp.

Lou Tharp is the swimming coach at West Point, the United State's Army Academy. Tharp is gay, openly gay. His bosses know it. His athletes know it. Everyone knows it. And how has this panned out for him and the West Point swim team? Under Tharp’s tutelage, the Cadets have become a national player in men’s collegiate swimming.

The Army, still practices Don't Ask Don't Tell, though being gay has never impacted Tharp at West Point. He made it clear from day one that he is gay and that he is not a supporter of the Army's stance toward and gays and lesbians.

But before getting to Tharp at West Point you need to get to know more about Lou Tharp. Tharp was a a 45-year-old , 280-pound gay man, overworked PR executive with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a sedentary lifestyle. A successful businessman and community activist was more than hesitant to take his first plunge into the pool. But his desire to "not grow old feeling the way I did" won out. In 1996, with the help of a medical team and Terry Laughlin (founder of the Total Immersion swimming program), Tharp dove into his new passion. Within six months, he was winning local and regional meets. By 1998, Tharp, became a swimming fanatic and lost nearly 100 pounds, he was a World Masters bronze medalist. He also earned two gold and two silver medals at the 2006 Gay Games. Tharp, became a swimming fanatic and lost nearly 100 pounds.

But how do you go from that to becoming a swim coach who transforms a lackluster triathlete team into a national contender?

He joined a swim team in New York and, he says, "accepted a new identity for myself. All of a sudden I was a fit, active competitor. I got up at 5:30 every morning, to get in a 90-minute workout. My forward momentum perpetuated itself." But New York City pools were crowded and expensive. Eventually, Tharp discovered a pool at the U.S. Military Academy in West Point, N.Y., 35 miles from his home. It was seldom open to the public, and the environment was not particularly welcoming, but the head of the West Point physical education department liked Tharp's spirit and gave him passes to the pool.

"I was an outsider, but I got to know the academy culture," Tharp says. "Everyone had a great work ethic and was highly respectful." He shared the pool with cadets, many of whom "swam very poorly." One was so bad that Tharp abruptly stopped and said, "You're driving me crazy." Tharp showed him some basic techniques, and he immediately improved. He was like most cadets, Tharp says, "a sponge. They're driven to excel, especially when they're around people with expertise."

The next day there were two cadets and the following week they invited him to their tri team swim practice. A few weeks later the cadet in charge asked if I would consider being their swim coach. My first reaction was yes, since I'd never coached before in my life, and a Division 1 school isn't a bad place to start. My next thought was, "I'm gay and we'll have to come to terms with it." In 2005, he was hired as a part-time coach.

Within two years, the team placed fifth in a national meet, just five points from first. Tharp had propelled the Army squad to national prominence - and he did it as an openly gay man.

When he was first asked to coach, he had agreed - on the stipulation that he could be completely out. "I won't put up with anything less than complete acceptance," he told the officers.

"I didn't know what to expect, and their reaction was totally unexpected. I guess we tend to think the worst because the bigots yell the loudest so we think everyone agrees with them. We forget that the vast majority of people are very gay accepting.

The reaction was a resounding, "So what?" The officer in charge had no problem with it, and when I said I would have to tell the team, he said I must have had to tell people this before so I should know how to handle it. Period."

Tharp's coming-out process to his athletes was similarly upfront and natural. Describing a swimming technique, he likened it to a baseball swing. "Now you might think a gay man doesn't know anything about baseball...," he told them. And "that was it," he recalls now. "No one said anything. It wasn't a big deal."

He took his partner, Jim, to a team party. "West Point is a difficult school to get into," Tharp says. "Cadets have to be adaptable, intelligent, and aware of their surroundings. Every cadet there made it a point to talk to Jim - and really get to know him. Cadets are truly interested in meeting new people and asking questions about the world. That really blew us away."

Institutionally, Tharp knows, West Point is "a very antigay organization." But, he says, "the rank and file is way ahead of the senior officers."

Tharp wrote a book, Overachiever's Diary, How The Army Triathlon Team Became World Contenders, recounting his experience coaching the cadets at West Point.

Tharp lives in Upper Nyack, New York, with his partner of over 25 years, Jim Bumgardner.


"My experience is that overall there are two considerations to keep in mind regarding the mindset of certain straight people. First, gay issues are not on their radar screen. They have no idea we can't pass our assets tax-free to our partners when we die as they do with their spouses, or that we are not protected against employment, credit, education and housing discrimination in two-thirds of the states or by the Federal government, or that America is the only country in the Western world that does not protect its LGBT citizens. Second, they tend to hear anti-gay messages and accept them as fact. So when they get to know a gay person, there is massive conflict between what they've been taught and what they're experiencing. We get to untangle this mess for them. Our job is to educate good but misinformed people. All it takes is getting to know people and helping them understand that what they've heard is wrong."


Lou Tharp Facebook

Overachiever's Diary, How The Army Triathlon Team Became World Contenders by Lou Tharp

20 comments:

Florida Tom said...

Wow Spesh I am blown away by this Spotlight. Great story and awesome to hear that his employers and team have accepted him for who he is. Especially at West Point.

I wish Disney could do that with their leading men.

Wicked said...

This might be my favorite Spotlight EVER. Swimming and an Out Spotlight. What could be better? I love it that Lou started swimming later in life and had so much success. And that the West Point cadets are accepting him and Jim.

EVTB, so sorry to hear about your father.

Spesh, that has got to so hard for your dad and stepmom to lose their dog. They really are your babies.

Kacie, hey girl! So good to hear from you.

I have also had a sadness this weekend. A dear friend from one of my figure skating boards got a message this week that his ex committed suicide. They were still very close friends. The ex was very out but chose to remain in a relationship with a man who chose to closet and marry a woman. We'll never know why my friend's ex decided to kill himself but I can't help thinking the closeting of his partner had something to do with it. The closet kills.

Florida Tom said...

Sorry Wicked. I agree the closet is not a very healthy place to be.

destiny said...

This spotlight has to be one of the best. It covers so many taboos, and is truly inspirational.

Sorry about your friend's ex Wicked. You never know with suicides, it can happen despite all the help and support in the world. But you can't help but think things were made worse by having on on partner whop could not completely be there for you.

And sorryu about your dad's dog Special.

This sure has been on on tough week for people.

I saw The Informers, but I'll post about that tonight.

Sienna said...

Wicked, so sorry to read about your friend's ex. Suicide is such an awful thing. I can't imagine how much a person must be hurting in order to decide death is better than life. I hope your friend will be able to handle it ok.

What an awesome Out today. I really, really enjoyed reading it - i read every word. What an amazing guy! It's great to know there are people out there making the most of their life. Too bad the fellow who killed himself couldn't have found a new road to give him hope.

Yes, overall it's been a really sad and disheartening week. I'm hoping for better things, but the truth is, we may have lost one of our heros. After the Reese Hearts Jake cover, i can't see an reasonable end in sight. *heavy sigh*

Hugs. S.

NETB said...

Hi Guys!

Another great OutSpotlight - I love that Lou took to swimming so fast, and that he's so embraced at West Point! He's an inspiration to everyone.

(((((EV)))))) sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I hope everything's ok with you too PG.

Spesh, some happy news about your stylist and his partner's wedding, even though you had some sad news about your parents' dog, pets are like our kids, there's an empty space when you lose them. Glad to hear that Polly is doing better too, Sienna.

Wicked, very sad about your friend's ex. :'(

I do like the idea of this new project for Jake too.

sienna said...

Question: I mentioned this blog on my LJ. If anyone wants the link, is it ok to give it or post it?

S.

m said...

Excellent spotlight today. It blew me away as it challenged my expectations re how a gay man would have been received at such an institution. I visited West Point once while on a business trip and also worked with a former graduate, but it was quite a few years ago. Lou's words remind me a bit of Harvey Milk's where he urged everyone to come out as the secret to success was for people to realize they knew a gay person.

Florida Tom said...

Copied from WFT2

Jersey Tom said...
To whomever posted those videos on Towerload Thank You very mcuh. I thought things had gotten better in schools. Many days I would come home and just cry in my room after being taunted all day from grade school to high school. I thought things were getting better. It is sad to find out they are not.

11 yrs old. Unbelievable. People need to be held accountable for these crimes whether it be the bully, the teachers, the school or the states. This is a form of murder. No doubt. 11 yrs old. My God.

It is great that Ellen and Anderson are bmaking these issues public. Ellen has done so much now Anderson needs to take the next big step. I totally totally believe that anyone who is closeted is Homophobic whether it be Anderson, Wentworth, Jake, Austin, or Hayden. They should be ashemed of themselves. They live in the closet for money and fame.
If only they would have the courage to do their part to help and not contribute to the problem, which they are.

I am going to go to Elens website to see how I can help these people. I ask everyone to do the same.

April 26, 2009 1:44 PM

Special K said...

Sienna - we don't have any problem with you giving those interested in a blog like OMG the address or posting a link.

Glad everyone enjoyed the spotlight.

Florida Tom said...

I always be grateful to Jake for making BBM and what he did for the Gay community after Brokeback.

I also am grateful to Austin for making Prayers for Bobby and saying BBM was his all time favorite film

I am grateful to Anderson for bringing the topic of bullying and harrassment to his show.

But one thing I have to say. It is not enough. Not enough. I cant get those kids off my mind. First the taunting must have been horriffic. I read a comment on Towerload about the videos and someone said that someday they hoped that kids who were called gay would not be morified anymore. That gay wouldnt be considered a bad thing and kids wouldnt be upset by it. I totally agree. We all need to make that happen.

But I am not letting Jake or Austin off the hook here. Bearding and the closet is no help at all. It is just a fact.

Wicked said...

I just saw Milk last night and it was wonderful. Fabulously acted and directed.

My skating board buddy is hanging in there. It's really hard on him.

Dest, can't wait to hear your thoughts on Informers.

Special K said...

Sadly it doesn't look like The Informers did that great at the box office. Still going to catch it this week.

From E!
• Bret Easton Ellis source material—check. Billy Bob Thornton, Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke brand names—check. A $622 per-screen average, per Box Office Mojo, for The Informers ($300,000)—oy.

destiny said...

Having spent as much of this gorgeous day outside as I possibly could, I've finally stumbled home to collapse on the sofa. I'm guessing everyone was out doing the same as it sure was a quiet day here today.

So, on to The Informers. I didn't think it was very good, although I LOVED getting to see Austin on the big screen, more of that in a minute. I've been thinking about it off and on, and yet it is still hard to put into words what was wrong. One problem is that in cutting down the material to a 100 minute movie, the effect, at least for me, was that you just kind of got these snippets of everyone's lives, and with some of the darker stuff left out completely it just seemed kind of tame, despite the material. Even leaving out the vampire story, and cutting out a lot from the other stories, it was just too much to cover very well in such a short movie. The feeling was almost like "here's a group sex scene, but we don't have time for you to really linger and look, so keep moving" kind of feel to it.

I think adding to that feeling is that I thought a lot of the acting was not very good, and the style/characters too much the same. I guess the director was going for the disaffected youth/worn down by the dark side of life/alienated from your feelings and other people, but it just resulted in too many flat performances, particularly from the older actors--Thorton, Bassinger, Rouke, and especially Ryder. I also found the rock star utterly lacking in any charisma. However, his video--playing on the tv in one scene--had me and one of the two guys in the row behind me howling with laughter. It was a Depeche Mode/Dave Gahan wanna be video, in black and white. It was really bad.

I did like the younger case more, starting with Austin. With so many characters, he did not have a lot of screen time, but when he was on, well, he was certainly beautiful to look at. And he didn't have that flatness so many of the other actors had, his character was more animated. Again, that was clearly the effect intended b the director, no one was to show any real emotion, etc. I also kind of like Jon Foster, and I thought Brad Renfro was really good. I also kind of liked Amber Heard. I usually don't like that young blonde starlet type, but there is something about her, I thought the same thing when I saw her in Pineapple Express.

And finally, sadly I didn't even find it all that it all that hot, with one wonderful scene that kind of took me by surprise, more on that in minute. The sex scenes were all very short, probably not much longer than what you see in the trailer. And when you throw in what I saying above about the effect the director went for, again they were kind of flat, you were probably supposed to think they were bored, alienated from other people, etc. There was one that was not in the trailers, four of them in bed together, Austin with Amber Heard, with the two women in the middle of the bed and the men on the outer sides. As for Martin and Graham, you don't see them having sex together, the only touching was a scene where the wake up in the morning in bed together, dressed, but one's arm is sort of touching the other's.

Bottom line, I felt like the director didn't really know what he wanted to do. Clearly he wanted to stay away from being another Less Than Zero, which I guess Ellis didn't think was true to his material, but if it had gone that route it would least have been trashy and entertaining. But by shying away from showing too much of the sex, the darkness, the lack of emotions, the flat acting, well, it was just a flat movie. Such a waste of so many talented actors. Seriously, I think Austin has gotten to show more range in OTH than he did in The Informers.


Okay, now for the best part for me, and spoiler alert for anyone that would rather be surprise.....



The scene of Austin with Bassinger. I assume most have seen the clip of that Spooky has, where he's putting on a shirt, and then comes back and leans over her. Well, that scene starts on Kim's face, and then the camera pulls back and Austin is kneeling on her butt naked. (She was under a sheet, as in the rest of the scene) OMG. That was definitely what the WaPo review was referring to Wicked. He was so beautiful, and the scene just took me by surprise, and took my breath away. But it was so brief, seconds, and then forward to what is in the clip at Spooky's, and then on to the next character.

destiny said...

Sorry for that long post. Not surprised Special. I did go to a matinee yesterday, when it was gorgeous out, but still, there were only about 20 of us in the audience. Between not being that good, not really being promoted too much, and not even being something you can go have fun at and have it be a guilty pleasure, I'm not surprised.

Sigh, I wish Austin could really find a movie to shine in and get some much deserved attention. I do think he has what it takes. Hopefully OTH will lead to something more interesting and/or Southern Gothic will raise money for their movie.

m said...

Thanks for the review, Destiny. I'm not surprised. One review I saw said most of the actors were avoiding promo for the film and were not happy with how it came out. It's evidence of how so many factors have to be just right for a film to work and be successful. Acting, story, editing, direction. At least we will get some good Austin screen shots out of it.

JobSearchNinja said...

"Success is almost totally dependent upon drive and persistence. The extra energy required to make another effort or try another approach is the secret of winning."

ag said...

Tom, I think what you said above is what is fundamentally wrong with the gay community. They're spending too much time worrying about which famous person is gay/closeted and not enough time fighting the actual laws.

The fight against Prop 8 was half hearted at best. The protests for it were the same. Common sense and straight up human rights was beaten by a side that was more passionate in their belief. See what I'm getting at.

Bullying at school is kids being taught that behaviour by their parents.

Bullied kids killing themselves is lack of support, understanding and empathy in the community around them.

The guy who thinks it's okay to bash a gay man is not going to stop because some actor he's seen in a couple of movies comes out.
Those kind of guys think actors are pretty nelly anyway.

Look at Anderson Cooper. He is being absolutely slammed by the conversatives for the teabagging comment, for what they see as his perversions.
But they could stand outside CNN, hold up signs denigrating him for a fortnight and they still wouldn't come close to treating him as badly as the gay community has.
Because it comes down to one simple thing for the gay community- who is he doing? Or who's doing him?
I applaud Anderson for not allowing himself to become a sexual position for the gay community.

Famous people should come out of the closet for their own sanity and possibly to look less dicky but the fight for gay rights starts within the communities at ground level.

Wicked said...

AG, the thing that makes straight people care about our issues is when they actually know one of us. And that takes coming out. That's why the push for coming out is so strong. Gays become part of "we" and not part of "them." I agree there should be more fight to change the laws, but in order to gain allies, more people need to come out- both famous and non. Famous people coming out also spurs the non-famous to feel more comfortable in doing so.

tr said...

Just wanted to say before the post changes that this was a great Out Spotlight. Very interesting and inspirational.