Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Mystery Machine

Jake,Reese and the Case of the Rolling Luggage
(Thank LA Times for the title and Michael K for inspiration)



Well gang, it looks like we have a mystery on our hands.

Like are they splitting up?

Or who broke up with who?

More like what was was in those suitcase.

Maybe we can dig up some answers to this mystery!
The girls and I will go this way, Shaggy, you and Scooby check out the basement we'll start here in the bedroom.

Look at this pretty purple string that I found caught in the nightstand drawer. It would match my dress.

Daphne! You found a clue.

That's the mane of a My Little Pony.

Why's there a My Little Pony stuffed in this drawer, and it smells like Strawberry Shortcake.
Clearly someone wanted us to think this was his side of the bed.

All these other drawers and closets are filled with her clothes.

They forgot that he needs glasses. There's none here. No contacts either He's a blind as a bat, just like me.

Did someone say Batttt?

"Gulp!"

Zoinks, Scoob. Hold me.

You two knock it off. There's no bats.

If there's no bats, can we just forget this and hit the kitchen for a snack?
No Shaggy. We have mystery on our hands.

Gang let's keep looking.

Come on Scooby help us look for more clues.
Uh Uh

How about for a Scooby snack?

(shaking head no)
Two Scooby snacks?

(shaking head no)

If he won't I will.

Raggy!
I've only got one Scooby Snack left, Scoob, go find the next clue.

Fred! Daphne! Velma! Look was Scooby found.
See these tracks, clearly the suitcase was rolled from this office out the front door.

Why would his suitcases be in an office?

It's elementary, their romance is a business.

And from the depths of the tracks and how light they look when the assistant picked them up, I conclude there was nothing in the cases, it was purely for show.

Clearly he never stayed here. Just kept bags that would make it look like he did. Bet all you would find in that suitcase was paperwork, a bad hat, some Abba cds and a Cirque de Soleil dvd.

Why would they pretend and then pretend to pretend to break up?

If we figure that out, we'll be halfway towards solving this mystery and half of Hollywood

Ree hee hee
Who put the My Little Pony and the Strawberry Shortcake in the nightstand.

Someone who wanted to make it look like he did live here, someone who would benefit from it, but didn't want the real hassle in the house.

The Gang: Old lady Witherspoon!

And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids"



And after all this silliness there is something very important about today.

December 1st is World AIDS DAY.
Today there are:
* 33.4 million people living with HIV worldwide
* 31.3 million adults
* 15.7 million women
* 2.1 million children under 15
* 50% of all cases are women

In 2008 2.7 million people were diagnosed as HIV positive. 2.3 million are adults but there were 430,000 children under 15 diagnosed as well. 2 million people died in 2008 in HIV-related deaths. While strides have been made in living with HIV, HIV and AIDS has yet to be cure there is still work to do.

46 comments:

Special K said...

Fantastic news from Washington DC want to post again here.

D.C Council votes to legalize same-sex marriage.

Washington Post

bs said...

There was no luggage movement, if there was X17 would have taken pictures. It was nothing more than another PR plant to make them look like a couple. X17 is in on it just like People. People's sources: Jake and Reese's PR.

More fake PR, he never had anything to move out in the first place.

relax said...

You know Special is taking a piss out of the whole thing right?

:) said...

Natalie, Jake and Tobey

'Brothers' stars Natalie Portman, Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal visit Moviefone for a chat and get familiar -- really familiar -- as they talk about stealing each other's identities, cheating on veganism and what the X-rated (and hilarious) name for a Jake-inspired band would be.

Their film is based on a family torn apart by war, but you'd never know it watching this trio in our studio. Jake, Natalie and Tobey share laughs over Jake's "murkin" defense, Tobey's chocolate vice and the height of Natalie's career. They also dish on the best and worst of filming, Tobey's crazy diet and Jake's brotherly love.

Watch the 'Brothers' Unscripted

Special K said...

Reese gets some press for landing in London. How do you do that? Being a continent apart in the middle of rumored split?

Showbiz Spy

People

Special K said...

Thank you : ) !!

You have to watch clip especially the part about name for a Jake-inspired band would be. What is Jake trying say ; )

The whole thing is hysterical. Definitely a must watch.

awwww said...

niannah: @Emony Well, perhaps one happy day we will know, and Baby Tile will be allowed out with real name - Baby Tile Nichols Gyllenhaal.
3 minutes ago

Former Tber said...

Jake's Murkin

Something Naked actors use to cover their genitals when filming a scene? Yeah, Jake what are you talking about or trying to say?

hummm sounds interesting.

urban dictionary said...

A merkin in the gay and lesbian set in Hollywood refers to a "usually" straight male escorting a gay woman to public events so as to attempt to camouflage the lesbian's secret sapphic lifestyle.

beards and merkins said...

Jake: I would call my band "Jake Gyllenhaal's Merkin".

From 2007 interview:

Q: What qualities do you admire in Reese, as a person and an actress?

Jake Gyllenhaal: She can grow a mean beard, that’s for sure (laughter)! I don’t know if you’ve seen her beard — it’s amazing!

destiny said...

Great news about DC!!!

:i Elinor, glad to see you back.

Funny. Post today. I do not think there are enough Scooby snacks in the world to solve all the
Jake mysteries.

prairiegirl said...

Yea, can't believe I'm home. lol.

This post is hilarious, Special. It sounded just like a Scoob cartoon.

"Come on gang!" Obviously Freddie.

Suitcase in the office. LOLLLL!

You know what? I like the stance posters seem to be taking today and that is not to comment on you know what.

I sure apologize for even bringing it up earlier today. After looking at Just Jared a few minutes ago, the best thing to do? Ignore the whole stupid charade.

I have some daylight hours so I am going to see if I can find the lights to go on the balcony rail. Our balcony is going to be lit up like a tree by the time this whole deal is finished.

Colored lights? Or white lights?

Gotta go with the white lights. No more colored lights. Ever.

prairiegirl said...

Oh! And get this. One more thing 'fore I go.

The ol' company holiday dinner next winter 2010? Everyone has to pay a refundable $35.00 deposit per person to guarantee attendance. If you copy out, I guess you don't get your money back. If you do attend, of course, you get your deposit back.

That flier to go on the board came down our tubes today and it got 3 nays before the thing even made it to the bulletin board.

I said, "It's like a bank holding onto your money."

"Well, you get it back if you go."

"I don't care. That's $70.00 I'm out until next year."

I don't think that's going to fly at all. Too bad too, because it's always a very nice time; great Marriott dinner. I had salmon last year and man, it was to die for.

But it's the principle of the thing. Guess I'll be eating a McD's Big & Tasty instead this time around.

Oh well. Well, that's my gripe of the day. Well, losing daylight as I babble on here. Better get crackin.

:) said...

Epix HD: Jake Gyllenhaal doing a hilarious promo for us. Watch it!

Special K said...

That Epix promo is hysterical. Thanks.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sienna said...

maybe the problem is that it got "leaked" to the wrong mag first. US has been their carrier all this time. it did seem odd that People suddenly had the scoop. s.

prairiegirl said...

Anon, you're going to get your comment deleted.

That vid is hilarious, adorable, hot, fascinating, & entertaining all rolled into one.

How does he do it? He's looking more mature now at times but at the same time, he looks like a kid there. How in the heck does he do that? He looks so good there.


No Reese? Adorable, hot Jake again.

Ahhhhh, inspiration once again, sienna!

lol.

covering for 7:24 said...

US Weekly has a story on the cover (but not the MAIN story--that's duh Tiger Woods) entitled Reese/Jake "Is There Trouble?"

Special K said...

Love Epix's Producer's tweet

Jake Gyllenhaal on doing a Promo for EPIX. I did not yell at him like he points out, what do you think! http://bit.ly/7Jcre0

derekscreens

Special K said...

"Jake Gyllenhaal's Merkin". Merkin just popped into Jake's head, yeah right. After all that careful screening for banal questions that he couldn't get into trouble with, he pulls that one.

L-O-V-E IT.

Wonder who on his team got the chest pains and who had the stroke.

Love Natalie's expression when he said it they both knew what he was doing. Her comment was hysterical.

But really is it alopecia or just a Brazilian gone wrong Jakey?

Special K said...

Brother Trivia

Tobey Natalie or Jake - who was the first to sign on to appear in Brothers?

Answer:
Jake signed on 1st for Brothers "I wanted to work with (Jim Sheridan) on a character that was a little different from what I played before."

Lionsgate Twitter

Tobey is on Conan tonight.

more pr bs said...

9:15: Considering that video had over a week to edit that (who would miss it, the interview was already short) I would guess that nobody blew a gaskit, prolly laughed their asses off. I would even bet that it didn't just pop up in his head either. I bet they L-O-V-E-D I-T!!!

Just more PR BS. Why didn't spend more time booking him on shows so he could do real interviews instead of some tacky set-up like that where PR spoon feeds actors questions.

Special K said...

9:15 has a name, that name is Special K.

I've been around here a bit, most people know I am.

prairiegirl said...

Kind of funny to see the West Point crowd listening to Pres. Obama tonight. Camera was panning the crowd during the few minutes we had it on there. And the camera caught one cadet totally sleeping and another one briefly closing their eyes. LOL. Poor cadets. You know they probably have been up since early this morning.

Now, WGN had highlights on their news and caught another cadet in the middle of a whoops! eye blink.

lol.

Well, back to work again. Sweet dreams to everyone.

Tree's crooked!!!! Why is the tree always crooked? lol.

sienna said...

I have a question:

when did jake sign on to do POP?

s.

m said...

Good to see Jake again, but he comes across as very young, that's why Reese looks more like his mother than a possible girlfriend. He's fun, goofy, talented, but young. I am anxious to see how he does on Kimmel.

Got home late tonight so not much to say. The post today is really cute. Good job.

:) said...

"On May 20, 2008 it was announced that Jake Gyllenhaal is to portray Dastan."

the real question said...

when did jake sign on to do POP?

Is this TT BI about PoP?

October 19, 2006

Also, there's hope, I want you all to know, for Mr. Tile's movie career. Dare I say some of his future film projects are looking up, because, uh, how can I put this? T.T. has decided to start sleeping with better-looking people now to get his future projects—is that being too crass about it all?

In other words, for T.T.'s next 40-foot-wide job, Tooth-doll not only seduced the man who would decide the whole-deal shebang (it's sort of a studly adventure story, in so many ways), he now shares cocaine, hotel suites and party favors with the bigwig. Isn't that sweet when one can stay bestest amigos with one's ladder-climbing bed partners?

:) said...

9:15: Considering that video had over a week to edit that (who would miss it, the interview was already short) I would guess that nobody blew a gaskit, prolly laughed their asses off.

PR team works for Jake, Jake is their employer.

I'm sure Jake's PR doesn't have carte blanche to censure his interviews or decide what he can joke about.

People magazine PR for Reese said...

Reese Witherspoon Focuses on Domestic Violence

Leaving behind the chatter about her relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal, Reese Witherspoon tackled the topic of domestic violence in the U.K. this week.

Petitioning Members of Parliament and appearing on morning shows she asked people to speak out on an issue that affects one in three around the world.
...
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20323727,00.html

charybdis said...

This is just a quick impression from his recent interview videos, but Jake suddenly seems to have been given back his mojo....

sienna said...

i agree with charybdis... seems like JAKE is back, and whoever that imposter was living in his skin is gone.

however, to be fair, how many times did we see him talk about movies and work during the Big Bearding Lull. i don't remember many/any... it could be that he can just turn it on better for an interview than he does for just a picture. s.

People said...

Meredith Baxter aka Elyse Keaton of Family Ties,comes out.

Family Tie's Meredith Baxter: I'm a Lesbian Mom

dlisted said...

Runner up in The CAPTION THIS Consest Winner for December 1st

It wasn't the fact that Jakey offered Reese a key to his apartment after only dating for 2 months, it was the WAY he did it - perky

Special K said...

Sienna - Jake has not down ANY taped interviews since the Rome trip in 2007. The entire time of the arrangement.

sienna said...

Ok. here's my take on it.

At some point in the past, he gets knighted to do POP, a Disney flick.

Disney, of course, knows he's gay, and maybe they think for a while that him hanging around with obvious P-Hounds like MM and Lance will make him look straight by association.

However, that doesn't work, and Reese suddenly is in the lurch too, so it's a perfect set-up for everyone.

Jake will begin to straighten up in the public's eye by being seen with her AND he'll stay in sight without having (being allowed) to do anything that will allow his true personality to shine through, because when he's just being himself, he can't see to hide it. I'm not saying he's a flamer like Elton John or Adam Lambert (not that there's anything wrong with that if that's ur thing), but there's just something about him that says "GAY", imo.

But POP is in the bag already, and there is nothing Disney can do to him now, i bet. If it's a success and they decide to do a Part 2, they're almost obligated to use him, regardless. What possible reason could they give for NOT using him??

And i personally think that maybe he's realized, after all this time of hiding and losing out on living his own life, that maybe he'd rather just take his chances with himself. He has plenty of looks and talent and charm. He doesn't NEED to be the straight romantic hero. There are more roles to play than just that.

And possibly, seeing other folks coming out without getting stoned is helping his self-confidence, along with the fact that he's older and maybe a tiny bit wiser.

just some thoughts. s.

t said...

jasonmatheson: Just got an email warning me not to ask Jake Gyllenhaal personal questions when I interview him tomorrow - I heart Jake - so I won't :)

http://twitter.com/jasonmatheson/status/6274601948

Bio Host of the Weekend Buzz & Entertainment Reporter for FOX 9

:) said...

Sienna,

I agree with you about reasons for Reeke and hope you are right about Jake dumping the beard.

prairiegirl said...

This Tiger Woods thing is exploding right now.

LOL, might not just be a story about the golf club through the windshield.

I'm @ the library right now. I tell you what. Until this thing plays out for a little while, I am not typing her name right now. Nyat to that.


She is milking this thing right now for all it's worth and it's going exactly the way she wants. This whole thing is going to be a real pill to watch & listen to. I have to say I am surprised to see someone so successful in the past and with an Oscar to boot, be so obssessed with publicity and hungry for attention.

May not be around much tonight. I've got alot of LJ work to do.

destiny said...

NY Senate is taking up gay marriage today. Fingers crossed!

I hope you are right Sienna, but I fear Reese will just be one of many beards.

sienna said...

Destiny...

UGH!!! No more beards, please!!!

i really don't think K. was a beard. i think jake really tried to go the girl route, and maybe they had more in common and he really liked/loved her. they had the chemistry that reeke never could muster.

however, i believe that was going on while he was young and trying to figure himself out. i think Reeke was about him being insecure and trying to figure his career out. he'll be 29 this month, almost 30. i'm just hoping he's ready to just be who he is and go wherever that road takes him.

i've never gotten a money-hungry attitude out of Jake, but of course i know next to nothing about that part of him. we did hear those few rumors about him being cheap, and those were - honestly - the most offensive rumors i've heard about him, imo. i hate cheapness. i know everyone doesn't have money to burn, and i'm pretty sure he's one of those people, since he doesn't make a killing off his movies and he does have an expensive lifestyle and his parents are broke - however, frugal is different from cheap. frugal is fine. cheap sucks. my ex is one of the cheapest dudes in the world (it's a sickness with him) and so that's the one thing i can not talk myself around.

so anyway, i guess i'm just hoping that jake has finally decided to be himself, make the movies that come his way and live the lifestyle that that allows.

GO NY GO!!! maybe if they do the right thing, jakey'll be getting married there someday. =D

no joke said...

I think he loved Kirsten too!
Seriuously I don't know who he is, men or girls i don't care if it's anything but Reese.

Meredith Baxter said...

Jake probably loved Kirsten, but not that way.

:) said...

i think jake really tried to go the girl route

... and failed, more than once, while dating/"dating" Kirsten.

Special K said...

Sorry for the delay in the post. I have spent the day trying to prove that I am a US Citizen and born here, since the unemployment office suddenly said I wasn't.