Sunday, June 26, 2011

Special Out Spotlight

Today's a very different Out Spotlight. Today's about equality and what it means to be recognized as a citizen who has the same rights as everyone else and for one of the most basic of rights: the right to marry the person you love.

On June 24th history was made in the state of New York, with the passage of legislation giving gay and lesbian couples the freedom to marry in the state.

Not only did this legislation bring the number of states with marriage equality to six, but it doubled the number of people in the United States who now have these rights.

While there are still many in the US who oppose marriage equality, that number is changing and are now in the minority. In a recent poll 53% of US says they support same sex marriage.

There will always those who will ask "Why is marriage equality so important?" "Why does it mean so much?" "Isn't domestic partnerships enough?" The answer to those kind of questions, was shared with me this way:
"I think it's completely different for gay people to get married than it is for straights. Straight people grew up knowing they could marry if they wanted. When I first came out, I never thought I'd see gay marriage in my lifetime, or if I did I'd be really old. And yesterday I married her.""

That person was Wicked and she wanted share with all of OMG what it means to her to have the right to marry.

"On May 2, 2011, the Mrs and I were legally married in DC. Tom was there, along with several other friends and family. We had a non-legal ceremony in 2000, and have been together since 1999. Because we've been together and committed for so long, I wasn't sure if it would feel any different to be legally married. After all, we have the same last name, powers of attorney, own a home together, and all our property is joint. How much more married could we get than that?

However, when we stood up in front of all our supporters this time I knew the state would recognize our relationship. Gay couples who've had ceremonies are often asked, "But are you really married?" This time the answer would be yes. I'm here to tell you- that matters. It is the reason why gay people are fighting so hard for this right. So many people want to diminish our relationships and say they are not as good as straight ones. You may say, "Why does that matter, you know your relationship is valid, that should be enough." I think the reason why societies created rituals like marriage in the first place is because that is not enough. There is something deeply significant about standing up in front of a whole bunch of people and saying, "Yes, this is the person I'm going to commit to," and knowing the importance of that relationship is legally and societally recognized. I can call her my wife and no one can question it.

Since our marriage, our relationship has gone on much as before. Although now she eats my leftovers and drinks my iced tea and says, "What are you going to do about it, divorce me?" We did go and see her parents a few weeks back. You better believe the fact that we legally married mattered to them. They were thrilled about it. They have the pictures up in their house.

For some people marriage may not be a big deal. Not all gay couples want to marry. That's okay, they don't have to. It's not mandatory gay marriage. Not all straight couples want to marry either. But all should have the right to choose. This is what we are fighting for, the right for all gay couples to define their own commitments as they see fit and have them recognized in the same way straight commitments are. I look forward to the day when gay couples can marry anywhere in the country. I think this day will come, and sooner rather than later. I am glad to have been a part of it, and so glad to have the Mrs as my wife."

You couldn't have said it better Wicked, and thank you so much for sharing it with us here at OMG.

Congratulations
to you and Mrs.
on your marriage.

Here's to a lifetime of love and happiness.

To the wonderful couple!

24 comments:

;) said...
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Florida Tom said...

Ahhhhhh. Me love Wicked and the Mrs. It was awesome being there that day. I almost got married too. Funny story. Wicked and Mrs have awesome friends and relatives..

Nordeste said...

Congratulations to Wicked and her wife, for a lifetime of love and happiness. (((((Wicked)))))

Special K said...

To Wicked and The Mrs - Love and Happiness

(((Wicked and Mrs)))

Special K said...
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Special K said...

Correction Correction Correction

Please note the change in channel and time

Roma shared with us about the documentary Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.

Edie & Thea will be on tonight on Sundance at 5:35 EST.

Here's a trailer for the documentary

Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement

Seaweed said...

I've been a long time catching up with the posts and what a fine day and time to have done it.

My most heartfelt Congratulations to Wicked and your Mrs. So happy that Tom could be there with you and am SO wishing you both many happy years together.

Thanks Special for the wonderful Out Spotlight, always a pleasure for me and so very affirming and informative.

Hugs all round...

Busy Summer Seaweed

Special K said...

So good to see you Seaweed!

pantyhose said...
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the real m said...

What touching words. Congratulations to Wicked and her wife. It brought tears to my eyes.

That 53% pro for the right to marry has only one place to go in future. Up to 100%. A good friend of mine is enjoying the Chicago pride this weekend. He and his friends always do a float. He's promised to send me pictures later in the week. He goes all out for Halloween yearly too and his costumes are always incredible.

Wicked said...

Thanks for all the congrats, guys!

prairiegirl said...

Oh my gosh, it is so good to see the mermaid avatar, isn't it? I know I couldn't be happier for Wicked and the Mrs. I tell you what, they each have caught themselves quite a prize.

Wicked, what a lovely message. How lucky and blessed you two are to have found each other.

Very nice post, Special. Beautiful.

prairiegirl said...

Huh, that bald guy on the right with the "Married" sign on his back could just about be the ol' Jakester.

If only it was and that was Austin on the left. What a wedding pic that would be.

Makes me wonder what kind of picture they do indeed have.

Special K said...

Thanks Roma for the suggestion of the documentary on Edie & Thea. What a beautiful love story.

Love Thea thinking of something Edie could wear all the time and giving her the engagement pin she wore near her heart.

It is a beautiful story and hope other people will get a chance to check it out.

Methodical Muser said...

You know people are on the wrong side of an issue (and history for that matter) when the argument begins with, "That's how it's always been," or tries to modify a term that stands perfectly fine on its own: "Traditional marriage," anyone? Or a person argues that reason, fairness and compassion have no standing in the debate because "It's all about the children."

Although we often fall short, this country always has been fundamentally grounded on the humanistic principle of progress — in the grand tradition of the European Enlightenment and the Scientific Revolution. Of not simply accepting what is, or passively lamenting what might have been, because somewhere deep inside our minds and our hearts remind us that we have the remarkable imagination to achieve so much more. Not because some supernatural being tells us so, but because we individually know we have the mortal ability to change/transform our lives. To come together and form a more perfect union by evolving into something better than we were the day before. I rarely use this phrase, but on June 24th the words flowed from my lips effortlessly: "I'm proud to be an American." I embraced the affirmative just as loudly as my shame was articulated on November 4, 2008 when California stripped a legally given right from a fellow citizen.

Freedom and equality are not natural states of being. They must be fought for every single day. We won one on Friday night because good people came together and never gave up. Because there was enough critical mass, enough political groundbreakers that refused to compromise or settle for something less, to settle for something separate. When people ask me how to answer the question of why gay marriage is so important, I simply say, “Tell them that State sanctioned discrimination is always wrong.”

Come to think of it, I guess I do agree with conservative thinkers. It is all about the children. And, leading by example is always a good start.

prairiegirl said...

LOL, whaaaaaa in the heck? What is this?


Laraax Lara Collins
by AUS10NICHOLS
@AUS10NICHOLS. Your a bitch you never retweet any of my tweets I told you I would eat you, now I'm going to cut off my boob and send you it
9 hours ago



So Austin retweets it.


LOLLLLLLLLLL!!!! That's awesome. Way to go, Aust.

That chick is a couple crayons short of a box, isn't she?

twitter said...

@CiaoChiyo Chiyobear

Crabfest was delicious...so were Joel Mchale and Jake Gyllenhaal sitting at a table on either side of me. Yum!
15 minutes ago via web

ROMA said...

Congratulations Wicked, what a lovely essay you shared with us all. Thank you Special for all of your (usual) hard work on today's postings and I so appreciate your shout out regarding Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement on which I served as archival consultant. Thank you! I had to sit out this year's parade here in NYC about which I felt badly as I always try to attend it if only for an hour+. With my knee I am not able to stand for long periods. However as luck would have it much of the parade ended at the corners of Christopher/Greenwich Street not far from my building so I saw a lot of it from my windows. I have never seen that many attendees here in my life. I watched lovely Gay Pride fireworks in my roof garden late this evening with two good neighbors/friends--the Empire State gleaming in the background in the Gay flag colors. It must feel like the end of WW2 for Gay New Yorkers. I hope Destiny will provide us all with some details about her and her partner's experience of the parade today!

Mr Pea Bunny said...
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destiny said...

Congratulations Wicked and Mrs. Wicked! That is so awesome.

Had a great weekend. Saturday night we went to see a play based on the Spoon River Anthology, it was at midnight in this really beautiful and cool cemetery in Brooklyn. Got home at 3 in the morning, and then rolled out of bed and headed to the Gay Pride Parade, and ended up being out all day. It had the biggest crowds I've ever seen, and the biggest groups of marchers too.

like elton? tom? rachel zoe? said...

Tom Ford Would Not Use a Baby ‘As a Press Tool,’ Like Some People He Knows

"If I have children, no one will know about it until the child is born," he says. "And no one will ever see the child because I certainly wouldn’t use it as a press tool. If I have a child, you’ll see and notice that I had a child. Maybe you’ll see it when it’s 18, but I will keep it out of the spotlight. I wouldn’t use it as a press tool, as some people I know, have, recently.” [Time Out Hong Kong, not online]

destiny said...

While I don't generally like people using their children as press tools, I think seeing people like NPH and Ricky Martin with their kids helps "normalize" gay families by showing that they are no different than other families, and I love the fact that we do see them with their children. The same goes for gay celebs being seen with their partners, like Adam Lambert and Jessie Tyler Ferguson.

But I do respect Ford's point of view, and it is one a lot of other celebs have followed.

I also think Tom Ford's choice of words is very interesting--you'll see and notice that I have a child. Is that just a statement reflecting that if he has a child he wants people to know--or is it a dig at those who might be hiding children?