Sunday, October 30, 2011

Out Spotlight

Today's Out Spotlight is someone who has not been out for a long time, in fact they just came out this past week. A pro athlete and captain of his team, he made the courageous step at the age of justtwenty-two and early in his sports career. Today's Out Spotlight is Welsh rugby player Jed Hopper.

The 22-year-old back row rugby forward for Old Redcliffians Rugby club came out to family and friends earlier this year but hadn't come out publicly until last week.

Hooper played his first game for his hometown Bristol, England club at the age of six on a youth team, before he went on to Gloucester Academy. As young man he went on to play rugby for Hartpury, Cinderford and Newbury, returning to his hometown team two seasons ago.

He said he first became aware that he might be gay when he was 14. "Even then I had a bit of a hard man image because of my rugby, and that made me think 'no I'm not gay', but at the age of 15, in my heart of hearts, I was sure. At school, I didn't want to be with a girl and I couldn't be with a boy."

He, like many others have, grappled with his true identity. No one would ever know what the rough and tough rugby playing teen was going through, the anxiety from working through his sexuality identity and the turmoil of a leading a double life led him to drink into a stupor at different points over past 7 years. Hooper also admitted there short period when he cut himself, "because I thought I might be able to cut this out of me."

Known to speak as directly off the pitch as he does in his pre-match talks with his teammates, he had never spoken openly about his sexuality. Just a handful of people who knew after he told them at the beginning of 2011.

After meeting a guy who told him that he could not be with someone who was still in the closet he was spurred to come out.

"I met someone earlier this year who said he could not be with someone who was in the closet. That, basically, was the catalyst that I needed."

"Before that, I think I had already told about ten friends and their reaction was very positive so that gave me an inkling of what might happen. And I also thought if the crap really hits the fan then at least there are ten people on my side!"

Despite his decision to come out , it wasn't that easy to carry out. Even with the support of those who already knew he still agonized over it.

"I was never going to do it bit by bit, that would have been too drawn out, so I decided to text everyone and also put it on Facebook.

"I was horribly nervous. I wrote and rewrote the text four or five times, and I had my finger on the 'send' button for ages before I finally pushed it.

"The text basically said something along the lines that 'I've been hiding it and fighting it for too long, and I can't hide any more. If you can accept me this way then great ... and if you can't then I don't need you and you can get lost!'

"I then cried my eyes out as I was thinking to myself 'what have you done?, but very quickly I must have had 40 replies and all of them were positive."

He said as soon as he made the announcement it he felt relief. "A massive weight came off my shoulders. If I couldn't accept myself the way I am, how could I expect my friends to?"

A team captain, who knows the honor and importance of the position, the Old Red's chairman as one of the first people he went to talk to after his announcement.

"I said that if the club doesn't want a gay man as its figurehead I would understand and step down. But he was brilliant and said 'you're our captain and this doesn't change anything'. That support was massive to me."

The club included their captain's announcement on their website. And it wasn't just the front office who was supportive but his teammates as well on and off the pitch.

In the clubhouse the traditional locker room dissin' and talk didn't stop it just took a bit of turn.

"No punches were pulled with questions from the rugby lads, that's for sure. I can't repeat some of the things I was asked, but I've always been someone who has been at the centre of any banter flying around, and the only thing that's changed is the type of banter."

Reaction to his news has been overwhelmingly positive among the community, the fans, and other players. Hooper said there has been only one comment said on the pitch, that he had to step in and stopping his teammates "from kicking things off" to defend him.

But don't look for him to change on the field, saying he might be a little less aggressive now that his anxiety of being in the closet is gone, but he's still the rough tough aggressive competitor he's always been. He's just a much nicer guy in the bar after the match.

His hope is that his story will help other young rugby players and others come to terms with their sexuality."If anyone is reading this and they're in the same situation as me, all I want to say is don't bottle things up because, trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The world's not against you. If my story can help one person then this has been worth it."

38 comments:

AUS10 said...

Going to our show's version of Inside The Actors Studio. My only regret is that Will Ferrell will not be dressed up as James Lipton.
34 minutes ago

Special K said...

^That's right tonight is An Evening with One Tree Hill at UNC Wilmington.

Special K said...

Early in OMG days, before we had a formal Out Spotlight we shared the story of Thomas Beatie, first known legal man to become pregnant and give birth.

Queer News Corner-March 31,2008

Beatie will appear with his three children and his wife on the show The Doctors tomorrow.

Here is a picture of the family at the show.

People

prairiegirl said...

JeffHidek Jeff Hidek
When network said Austin (fresh from JohnfromCincinatti) wasn't handsome enuf, Davola said "I'm going gay for him right now!" #othevening
29 minutes ago


^^ from the Q&A.


Whaaaaaa??? Wasn't handsome enough? Bet they don't think that now, huh? Austin's the best looking guy on that show.

prairiegirl said...

lol. Joe Davola. Makes me think of crazy Joe Davola from Seinfeld.

Special K said...

That who they named the character after on Seinfeld PG.

thanks said...

Special, re your Out Spotlight today

Hooper played his first game for his hometown Bristol, Wales

Bristol is England, not Wales.

Special K said...

Thanks for the clarification I will change it.

prairiegirl said...

Aw man, I don't want to go to bed. If I go to bed, that means it will be morning soon and it will be a loooooong day at work tomorrow where I already know I am going to have to work late.
**sigh**.

Watched an old episode of The Munsters and in the show was a very young Len Lesser, who played Uncle Leo on Seinfeld. LOL!

destiny said...

Love that last quote in the post. If only more people realized that. Always great to read about someone in professional sports as there are so few who are out.

Twitter said...

MissAndreaDavis Andrea
Also, @AUS10NICHOLS is so adorably awkward in person. So jealous of @SophiaBush. #donttellmyboyfriend #OTHevening
18 minutes ago

the real m said...

Great spotlight today. And his words are sure to inspire others to open up and live their lives in freedom. We've all seen the toll that hiding has taken on jake. Lets hope he follows this and Quinto's example.

Wishfull thinking said...

Jake will never come out. He wants that A list status and his past romances have beem to public. His coming out would make Reese and Taylor look like fools. Reese would look especially bad after 2 1/2 years of over to the top photo ops. Jake comes out and the tabloids would have a field day with how fooled Reese was and how could she not know/suspect. Reese would never ever allow that kind of publicity. Being dumped by a cheating husband is one thihg. Dating a gay man for over 2 years and not knowing it makes her look like a clueless moron. She can't admit to being a beard, so how does she do damage control? Guarenteed that Reese made sure that Jake never makes her look bad. Jake kind of pushed himself into a corner. And we can be sure that sooner or later Jake will get another blond beard.

prairiegirl said...

Oooooh, I don't know, I'd be very careful about using that word "never". That just leaves one open to all kinds of crow eating.

You make a very good point. I honestly don't know how he & Austin plan to deal with the beards. Not just obscure models or little known actresses.

A-List Reese Witherspoon, Forbes Top 10 earner Taylor Swift. And well, there's ol' Do Something Award Winner Sophia Bush. ;D

Don't know. I have no idea how they're going to do it.

One huge argument, Wishfull.

What do you see by Jake's behavior right now that screams he's dying to be A-List? I am not seeing him pounding the pavement, racking up the movies like Leo D and James Franco.

He's hanging around NYC waiting for Austin to finish filming. I don't see that kind of unselfishness as being obsessed for A-List status.

prairiegirl said...

BTW, Austin looked incredible last night.

prairiegirl said...

Gotta go, gotta go, late working tonight!

Wishful Thinking said...

PG, I will admit that Jake's behaviour of late hasn't been his past "I want to be Mr. Hetro A list man". But, you can still see his PR work going on. For example, when the story about Jake going to the bathhouse came out, Jake's PR were quick to have a story come out about Jake and another woman being all cozy at some event. Didn't matter that she had a longtime boyfriend. His PR doesn't worry about such trival details. I will also admit that I'm shocked that Jake has gone so long with a new "girlfriend". Either he finally stood his ground with his PR (and probably his mother also) or his PR has finally gotten the clue that Jake is horrible at faking. Either way, I still think that Reese probably had him sign on it in writing to never publically embarass her. Think about it, ever since Reeke ended, Jake has never said one word about her and even his PR didn't plant any stories trying to get back at her after the digs that Reese's PR took at him. Something was up there.

Methodical Muser said...

MissAndreaDavis Andrea
Also, @AUS10NICHOLS is so adorably awkward in person.

Awkward, huh? Remember this tweet from EoW's wrap party?:

andywilsonsays Andy Wilson
...oh and Jake Gyllenhall is awkward and America Ferrera curses like a sailor...and Peyson Hart has terrible excuses to end conversations
1 hour ago

Part of living in the closet, I suspect. That and looking over your shoulder, which we have seen several pics of Jake doing over the past several years.

Methodical Muser said...

Jake will never come out. He wants that A list status and his past romances have beem to public. His coming out would make Reese and Taylor look like fools

I see your point, and there certainly is merit to the complications you have sighted, but if handled correctly, Jake could actually make Reese look like an incredibly wonderful friend. Remember, early on during the showmance, "friends" of Reese were quoted as saying that she was simply "helping" Jake out? While "friends" of Jake were quoted as saying that he didn't have to do this. That his life was fine. His friends were fine.

In other words, Jake could simply say that Reese was being a great friend. He wanted to begin a family, but he needed privacy to achieve that end. That more than anything else, he didn't want his young family to be subjected to the stalking paparazzi, which surely would have followed him around night and day. I think there was a reason why Jake never commented on his relationship with Reese...other than the bizarre "girlfriend" comment he made after they had already broken up in Decmeber 2009. Don't forget, Jake also made sure to be interviewed right after the break up and go on the record with the "speaking as a married man" quote too. I also believe Reese came out with Jim Toth so quickly because she wanted people to know that she had been seeing someone all along.

Taylor, on the other hand, wouldn't be a problem at all. Let's face it, Jake was only photographed with her over a 48 day period during the promotion of Love and Other Drugs. Then the publicity stunt abruptly ended once she kicked off her Speak Now release and Jake had completed the press junket for Love and Other Drugs in Australia.

prairiegirl said...

And I think Sophia is already laying the groundwork so that she will come across as being a "helpful friend". Look how she changed her twitter avatar awhile back.

And one more thing. I don't think striving to be A-List is a bad thing. Aren't a lot of people ambitious? Don't a lot of people strive to climb the corporate ladder?

Don't we all want to do our best? What's the reason for achieving a Masters Degree? A Doctorate? To learn more, sure. But it helps us to get better paying jobs. I know that's why my brother went for his masters because it would help him in the administrative field.

No one really wants to work at McDonald's. We all want to do well.

So I don't understand why it would be wrong for Jake to want to be successful in acting.

Why is that a bad thing?

prairiegirl said...

And I'm not picking on people who work at McD's. Hey, I will work there if I ever have to. Honest work is honest work. It's just not the best paying job.

In the end, we're all equal on the playing field.

tweet said...

RachelChazin Rachel Chazin
My grandma just told me she has a crush on Jake Gyllenhaal too... like I should feel threatened.
3 minutes ago

prairiegirl said...

You know, I don't know what these guys are going to do.

I am still here because I hold on to the hope that they will do right by their children.

prairiegirl said...

Hey, the Google screen is kind of cool if you don't mind sitting through it. They should have speeded it up a little and not taken so many group pictures, lol.

destiny said...

Good point about the awkward descriptions M and M.

There is nothing wrong with being ambitious and wanting to succeed in your career. I just think you shouldn't lie in order to reach the top, and I don't think you should sacrifice your children either. Doesn't mean lots of people don't do it.

Jake could have taken a different way. He didn't have to beard and lie about being straight, he could have just lived in a glass closet.

He could have said I want to have children now because I want them to grow up with their cousin. He could have just refused to explain the circumstances like that big soccer player.

prairiegirl said...

Yup, he sure could have. Except that in Jake's case, a lot of people seem to forget the other equally important party.


Austin.


He and Austin come in a pair. It is a joint decision. And when one does come out, the other one is going to have to as well.

prairiegirl said...

Jake wanted to be an actor. Austin wanted to be an actor.

And they could not do that and be out with a brood of kids.


Not in 2007.

Methodical Muser said...

I agree, Destiny. I'm definitely not saying that Jake had to pursue the full-blown bearding campaign that he did in October, 2007 to raise a family. We, however, don't know the pressures he was under at the time or the strong arm tactics his people and the corporate bosses applied. He certainly waited (delayed tactics) until the baby was born before he went ahead with the Rome farce on October 23.

What finally made him decide to go the extreme route he did, is hard to determine. I'm sure the variables invovled were multiple, complex and formidable. And, I have no doubt that Austin's future career played a part in all of this too, just like PG suggests.

prairiegirl said...

Don't get me wrong. It was different in 2007 for them.

But yeah, I'm getting real tired of these games they're playing. They're unnecessary, insulting and stupid.

Frankly, the time has come. I will no longer support what they're doing for much longer.

lol, not that they care, but just expressing my own thought.

Florida Tom said...

Great Spotlight. Rugby is so big in Europe. It is great to see one of their top players come out. I sure wish it would happen here in the USA but I don't think we are close. Too much money to lose in endorsements.

Florida Tom said...

That more than anything else, he didn't want his young family to be subjected to the stalking paparazzi, which surely would have followed him around night and day.


Lot of actors have kids M and M including Gay actors who are coupled. They seem to be able to handle it. I think we all treat Jake like he is a bigger star than he actually is.

Jason said...

2007 was a different time and place, Jersey Tom. And, Jake is a leading actor in film. Not television. Not Broadway. Not music. The pressures are different, although I will admit that times have changed and advanced considerably since Brokeback Mountain. Agree with those who think Austin played a role in Jake going deep in the closet too. From what I read and remember back in 2005 Jake was trying to come out. Something convinced him at the time that he couldn't be true to himself and still have a career. Hopefully, things have changed for the better over the past 5 years and Jake will eventually reflect that change.

prairiegirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Florida Tom said...

I hope your right Jason. I do believe that Jake should have choose one or the other though. It is not fair to children if he has them.

prairiegirl said...

Let me rephrase my statement just a little bit.

I hope so too, Jason. Jake's a good guy. He has a good heart. And Austin as well.

That's why I still get stupefied by the camouflage and plants that are done to cover up and distract from the truth. So unnecessary seems to me.

Jason said...

True. But, how unfair was it that Jake was made to choose at all? I can see him wanting both a career and a family and doing what he felt needed to be done to fill both needs in his life. One pursuit more artistically fulfilling, the other more personal and emotional. Maybe even more deep-rooted.

Florida Tom said...

Do you think it was fair to the kids jason?

Jason said...

I hate to judge what the guys did. Maybe if I knew more, I would be more comfortable stating an opinion. It's the bearding I can't stand. Personally, from what I see of Jake, I think he's probably an excellent father.